Chapter 5

Tricia mulled over somewhat guilt ridden thoughts of Jaime mixed with pleasant thoughts of Matty who she was missing that made the thoughts of Jaime all the guiltier for her. When she got to wondering why Matt had still not called back some of the guilt feel to the wayside. It was his inattention that she felt had caused her to do what she had done years ago anyway and now, despite his vow to do better and despite the time he HAD done better, he seemed to be falling into that old pattern again. Tricia found that frustrating and it made her feel sad.

When she realized that she had been playing nearly on automatic pilot and that she could hardly remember anything that had been going on at the table she told herself to buckle down. She’d already lost a bit over $100 in this session and while she knew that wasn’t horrible in a game the size she was playing it was unacceptable to her.

She tried hard to focus on the game but still found that she would look up whenever anybody walked by or she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. This isn’t going to work, she told herself. What do I even feel about Jaime now she wondered, not for the first time. Obviously she still cared for him or she wouldn’t think of him but was it because of what had admittedly been a time of high excitement in her life before it all came crashing down? That was what most people who knew about it told her. That she didn’t really care for him she’d just been sucked into the excitement of the moment.

Focus Tricia she told herself, literally shaking her head to clear it. For a while she did focus on the game and through mostly good luck made up part of what she had lost so far this session.

The guy sitting next to her, a large, very hairy guy who looked like he’d come down out of the mountains somewhere and who kept calling her ‘little lady” got up and left and when he came back he put a small yellow piece of paper in front of him on the table. “They won’t even give you a decent comp at these things,” he said when he saw her looking at the piece of paper. “They either give you a burger or a sandwich at the table or these stupid food coupons.”

He pushed it over so she could see it. It was a coupon worth $10 at any of the casino restaurants. That actually sounded like a pretty good deal to her so she asked him ”Where do you get those?”

He made a motion with his hand toward the front of the room, “Up at the podium where you sign in. Usually at this casino the poker room comps you the whole buffet. This is bull crap.”

Tricia didn’t argue with him. She realized she was hungry and it was nearly dinner time already and that she did NOT want to eat at the poker table again. In between hands she went up to see how to get one of the coupons. It turned out to be a matter of letting the person in charge know she wanted one because before she said much at all in the way of asking about them she had been handed one and the person had moved on to help somebody else. Not much on customer service Tricia thought but they ARE busy and she did have most of her dinner paid for now.

Back at the table she decided to just rack up her chips and cash out. The dinner coupon helped out toward getting her even for the session and as she cashed out she smiled to remember that she was still way ahead considering she had won her entry into tomorrow’s event with little up front cost to herself.

Wandering through the casino in search of the buffet she kept looking around to see if there were any familiar faces and there were none, not that she’d expected anybody…other than Jaime maybe.

While waiting in line at the buffet she tried to call Matt again and got his voice mail again. Then she called her parents to talk to Matty. He was never long on conversation on the phone but it was good to hear his voice. He sounded like he was having a great time with his grandparents which both pleased Tricia and made her a little jealous. She laughed about that when she admitted it to her mom. When her mom asked how she was doing she just said she was doing well and was ahead for the trip. Tricia knew that any details would go over her mom’s head.

Her mom made a comment about her behaving herself Tricia detected more than just an innocent mom type comment and briefly felt guilty because she had not told anyone about getting the card and the fact that she thought Jaime might be here. Then she realized that there was no way she wanted to open that can of worms with them.

She was saved from any further questioning by getting to the front of the line. In the buffet she had a nearly full plate when she heard a voice say from right behind her. “So how did you do today?”

She let out a little yelp because it had surprised her and nearly dropped her plate. For a brief irrational moment she thought it was Jaime then she turned enough to see that it was the guy with the Harley shirt from earlier.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She smiled sheepishly. “I am easily startled.”

“So am I honey,” The woman with him said. “He does that to me all the time and scares the crap out of me and I’ve been married to him for over 20 years.”

“Anyway I am sorry for startling you,” the guy said. “I just wondered how you did today. Did you try any satellites?”

His wife smiled and said, “Honey why don’t you come sit with us. I can see this is gonna be another one of those long poker conversations that Gary lives for.”

“Well I don’t want to be a bother,” Tricia said.

“Hell it’s no bother,” the woman said. “We come to these things for him to get his poker fix and it sounds like you’re here for that too so you two feel free to yack. Just don’t mind me if I don’t get it all.”

Tricia followed them to their table and moved her drink over to there. She learned that they were Gary and Sandy and they were from Kentucky. Tricia and Gary did have a long conversation about poker and Tricia had a great time and was sorry when dinner had to be over. They left the buffet and went back toward the poker room. Sandy peeled off and headed for some slot machines while Tricia and Gary went in and got on waiting lists for tables.

Watching that made Tricia realize that she was too risk averse to move to that kind of game and besides could not afford the possible losses anyway. She didn’t even have $3000 with her although as she watched other people come in she saw people buy in for much less, usually around $500 but even that was too much for her.

Her game was called and she said goodbye to Gary.

A bit after midnight Tricia realized that the day was catching up with her. She was tired and if she kept playing she risked losing the modest gain she had in front of her. She had not done nearly as well as the night before but on the other hand she had not lost as much as some people had.

In a bit of a fog she went back to her room. The message waiting light was blinking on the phone. She shook her head. Must have been Matt. Why he couldn’t call her cell phone she didn’t know. She calledthe number for messages and was surprised when it said she had a message waiting at the front desk instead of a phone message.

Briefly she thought about getting it in the morning as the idea of taking her clothes off and climbing into the inviting looking bed was almost too strong to resist. In the end she was just too curious and made her way to the front desk.

The front desk clerk handed her an envelope with her name printed on it. The writing looked like a woman’s. It was definitely not Jaime’s.

She ripped the envelope open and her heart stopped when she saw that it was the same card she’d gotten at home. Obviously itwas from HIM she thought. It was the same card he’d given her when she’d first seen him in the flesh all those years ago. How he had found two MORE of them after all these years she wasn’t sure but it had to be from Jaime.

She looked around almost in a panic but didn’t see anyone. Then she told herself not to be silly. He wouldn’t have handed the desk clerk a card and then sat in the lobby all night waiting for her to get it.

Hands trembling she opened it. This time it was not blank. It said. “Lobby bar, tomorrow night, 8 pm.”

That was it, nothing more. It was definitely his writing though. Her first thought was to look for the bar and think that it was a long time until tomorrow night at 8pm. Then she had another thought. Did he just expect her to show up? It seemed a little arrogant. She sighed and willed her hands to quit shaking.

She went back up to her room and spent a while looking at the card and thinking about it as she lay in bed. She fell asleep wondering what she should do and wondering what she wanted to do and if those two things were at odds with each other.